I had a very productive day- thanks to Tim letting me escape the house and both kids for a few hours ;) You never realize how much faster you can get things done when not having to remove two kids from car seats, take them into stores- one that fights you strapping him in carts.... Yeah- MUCH faster when not toting both of them along. I didn't do anything real exciting- but it was great to get out of the house for even a small jaunt.
It is supposed to be absolutely beautiful this week- I can not wait to play outside the with kids tomorrow. I feel so energized with warmer spring weather- it just holds so much promise for me each and every year. I know this year is going to be even better than the past- I have two beautiful children to enjoy it with. It will be so great watching Addie discover new things at each and every turn and watch Micah as he grows and becomes more adult like every day. If you can't tell- I am just a bit excited ;)
Before moving forward to something weighing on my heart, I want to share a new page I created yesterday. I love how this turned out- hope you enjoy it as well :)
I read an intreresting interview today with Derek Webb, singer and songwriter (some know him as a former member of Caedmon's Call). Anyway, he talks about how we need to love the poor as Jesus Loved the poor and how the evidence of a changed heart is how we treat others. Tim and I actually had a similar discussion about this the other day- and for us, how it is so easy in a sense to love those we meet on mission trips and feel compassion to those we see as less fortunate in other countries while yet it is so hard for us to muster that same compassion for those living right here in the world surrounding us. Interesting thoughts.
I took it even further though today as I pondered what I had read. I thought about how I sometimes treat my own family. I thought about how frustrated I have been with Micah and how some days it just seems I have to reprimand him over and over and the whole day just seems to be bathed in a negative vibe.
I wonder, does he sees Jesus in me? Does he feel the love from me that Jesus shared to those he didn't even know? Am I really being the parent that He has called me to be to these children? I honestly don't know if I am. Yes, I love my kids and husband with all my heart- I can't imagine my life without any of them but yet I know I am not living up to what I should be as their mother and wife.
I know that right now I am not where I should or want to be in my faith. I seem to be in a constant spiritual dryland with only mirages of the quenching water. I can't really be much of Jesus to my kids if I am not walking hand in hand with him myself. I hate this but yet can't seem to muster the motivation to move beyond it.
So- if you have made it this far...any suggestions? Don't tell me I have it all right and I am just too hard on myself- because that isn't true. I am being open and honest here. I know this has probably made some peope uncomfortable- I am talking about faith and that makes you squirm, but this is my blog and my thoughts and what makes me, me. I have am really failing if the whole faith issue is coming as a suprise to those of you whom are faithful readers- and that is precisley what I fear.
It is supposed to be absolutely beautiful this week- I can not wait to play outside the with kids tomorrow. I feel so energized with warmer spring weather- it just holds so much promise for me each and every year. I know this year is going to be even better than the past- I have two beautiful children to enjoy it with. It will be so great watching Addie discover new things at each and every turn and watch Micah as he grows and becomes more adult like every day. If you can't tell- I am just a bit excited ;)
Before moving forward to something weighing on my heart, I want to share a new page I created yesterday. I love how this turned out- hope you enjoy it as well :)
I read an intreresting interview today with Derek Webb, singer and songwriter (some know him as a former member of Caedmon's Call). Anyway, he talks about how we need to love the poor as Jesus Loved the poor and how the evidence of a changed heart is how we treat others. Tim and I actually had a similar discussion about this the other day- and for us, how it is so easy in a sense to love those we meet on mission trips and feel compassion to those we see as less fortunate in other countries while yet it is so hard for us to muster that same compassion for those living right here in the world surrounding us. Interesting thoughts.
I took it even further though today as I pondered what I had read. I thought about how I sometimes treat my own family. I thought about how frustrated I have been with Micah and how some days it just seems I have to reprimand him over and over and the whole day just seems to be bathed in a negative vibe.
I wonder, does he sees Jesus in me? Does he feel the love from me that Jesus shared to those he didn't even know? Am I really being the parent that He has called me to be to these children? I honestly don't know if I am. Yes, I love my kids and husband with all my heart- I can't imagine my life without any of them but yet I know I am not living up to what I should be as their mother and wife.
I know that right now I am not where I should or want to be in my faith. I seem to be in a constant spiritual dryland with only mirages of the quenching water. I can't really be much of Jesus to my kids if I am not walking hand in hand with him myself. I hate this but yet can't seem to muster the motivation to move beyond it.
So- if you have made it this far...any suggestions? Don't tell me I have it all right and I am just too hard on myself- because that isn't true. I am being open and honest here. I know this has probably made some peope uncomfortable- I am talking about faith and that makes you squirm, but this is my blog and my thoughts and what makes me, me. I have am really failing if the whole faith issue is coming as a suprise to those of you whom are faithful readers- and that is precisley what I fear.
3:20 AM
Well, I don't know if I have any advice as I am in the same sort of "dryland" as you are. I know that I am not in my right place when it comes to faith. And I know that it really does get to me when I really sit and think about it. Which is probably a sign from God laying it all down so of course it makes my heart heavy. And I know that it disappoints my dad and pam that I am not where I should be, like I use to be.
I think the trouble I have is letting it all go. Letting go of control and not listening & letting God take the lead.
Was this from that thing you posted about the other day. About bumping into strangers and we are quick to be apologitic, but when at home we are quick to snap ab our own family? For some reason I always seem to think of that song by Nicole Nordeman, Wide Eyed. I know it isn't completely what you were talking about, but it's similar about how people are so quick to judge others, and if we would have been alive when Jesus was, would we have judged him or walked away for HIM. Not knowing who He actually was. I don't know, that song just seems to come to mind when you posted that on LM and then again today. I would really love to know what other people have to say as far as advice.
And I hope that no one would say anything about YOUR faith. It's your blog and while some may not agree, I don't think that anyone should have anything harsh to say. And if they are LOYAL readers, then they should very well know about your faith. Especially since Tim is in the business! :)
3:21 AM
Sorry for the book. I didn't think I typed that much! :)
9:13 AM
Jen, you talking about your faith is no surprise. I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to do it because it makes me think more about mine. I can so relate to what you wrote. Like Tegan said, I'm also not where I'd like to be. I think it is hard when we have little ones, not that that's an excuse. We do so much for our families as moms that we neglect to take the time we need. I feel that way even when I'm at church, most of my attention is on Sam and making sure he's being appropriate. It saddens me that I miss out on the message and the experience.
I wish I had help for you to find a deeper oasis, but I'm searching too.