The Voices Within Me

I have always like the song, "Refine Me" by Jennifer Knapp. I am not sure if it was always the lyrics that drew me in or just the soft, gentle nature in which she sang them but as I happened upon it today in my shuffled music list, I was instantly drawn to it again. I "knew" the lyrics but I decided to take a moment, look them up, and really take time to take them in and process what they were saying to me. As I read through the lyrics, I wondered where she might have been inspired from in the Bible. I went to trusty ole "Bible Gateway", typed in "Refine" and found a TON of verses on "refining" and more specifically, silver refining.
(some of my favorites listed below...)

1. Psalm 12:6
   And the words of the LORD are flawless, like silver refined in a furnace of clay, purified seven times.
   
2. Isaiah 48:10
   See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.
3. Daniel 11:35
   Some of the wise will stumble, so that they may be refined, purified and made spotless until the time of the end, for it will still come at the appointed time.
4. Malachi 3:3
   He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver...

I started to think about the process of refining silver and other metals and decided to do a little research and this is what I found...

The process of metal refining takes a lot of time and a LOT of heat. The metals are held into the hottest area of fire in order to burn out all of the impurities and thus make it a "pure and refined" metal. The silversmith has to sit through the entire process, ensuring that the metal isn't over or underheated. He is there to sort of protect the silver, to watch over and guide it along in the refining process. (btw- there are some cool gold/ silver refining videos on YouTube)

"I come into this place
Burning to receive your peace
I come with my own chains
From wars I've fought for my own selfish gain
You're my God and my Father
I've accepted your Son
But my soul feels so empty now
What have I become?

Lord, come with your fire,
Burn my desires; refine me
Lord, my will has deceived me
Please come and free me
Refine me

My heart can't see
When I only look at me
My soul can't hear
When I only think of my own fears
They are gone in a moment
You're forever the same
Why did I look away from You
How can I speak Your name?

Lord, come with Your fire,
burn my desires; refine me
Lord, my will has deceived me
Please come and free me
Come rescue this child
For I long to be reconciled to You

It's all I can do
To give my heart and soul to You
And pray, and pray, oh I will pray

Lord, come with Your fire,
burn my desires; refine me
Lord, my will has deceived me
Please come and free me
Come rescue this child
For I long to be reconciled to You

Refine me, refine me
Refine me, refine me"

My daughter Addison has the most loving and giving heart of any child I know. She is always thinking of others and just has a gentle spirit about her that I can't even begin to explain. Tonite was no different...
The kids had both begged for a piece of candy before bed and Tim finally relented and told them they could each have one piece. (Now I am not sure how candy is stored at your house, but we keep ours in a ceramic container on our kitchen counter out of direct reach of the kids.) After both kids chose their treasure, Micah was placing the jar back in it's rightful place when it slipped out of his hands and went crashing to the floor, shattering the lid into hundreds on tiny shards. As I was cleaning up, I cut my finger on a small sliver that was seemingly innocent. I yelped in pain and and was startled to see a spot of blood appear. It wasn't that bad so I brushed it off on a napkin and continued cleaning the mess. Unbeknownst to me, Addison had disappeared upstairs (to go get me a band aid). Being that she can't reach them she got a stool to boost herself to balance on the towel rack to reach into the cabinet. Well... in the process she got her arm stuck in the towel rack and was stuck on her tip toes clinging with all her might. Micah came running down to alert us and Tim ran up and got her unstuck and tried to piece together what had just occurred. It was only then he realized she had went to get me a band aid to soothe my pain. Tim sent her downstairs and through her sobs she told me all she wanted to do was make me feel better. She proceeded to give me my band aid (a Thomas one... lucky me) and kiss my wound. Seriously. Broke. My. Heart. She stopped everything else to take my pain upon herself and did what she knew would help the pain go away. She got me something to cover the pain and then covered the pain in love.
As I have now had time to sit and think about all that occurred, I started thinking about the upcoming Holy Week and how Jesus did everything he knew how to to cover our hurt and pain. He not only covered our wounds but took them upon himself and then covered us in love so that we would not have to continue to live in the darkness that was overtaking our life. He knew that there was bound to be pain for himself but he didn't let that stop him from ultimately giving everything to heal our brokenness. It is so hard for me to process and fully grasp all that He gave but then when I see the little eyes of my child looking into mine with tears streaming down her face as she offers out all that she can give, I see the face of Jesus and allow His love to pour through and fill my heart once again.
Revelation 21: 4: ⁴He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain..."

Listen. "Listen to the sound of the falling rain". Hear. "Hear the birds chirping". Two words we use interchangeably in today's culture. Is there a difference... and does that difference matter?

The verb "to hear" means to be aware of sounds in your ears, so when there is a sound (for example the radio is on) and you receive that sound through your ears.

That verb "to listen (to)" means to pay attention to somebody/something that you can hear. So when you listen to something or somebody you make an effort to hear it or them. When you hear something you usually don't have to make an effort — it just happens (provided your ears are intact of course.)

So in short, yes, there is a difference. Listening is only possible when one hears an audile sound. Anyone (with intact hearing) can hear but not anyone can (or will) listen.

Being a parent opens the door for many opportunities, both in hearing and listening. I would venture to guess that every parent has had at least one time (for me that is probably at least one time a day) when they just nod their head in agreement as they hear the words coming out of their child's mouth but aren't really listening to what they have to say. I know I have gotten caught in the act a few times (you would think I would learn!) when they ask a follow up question that I can't answer b/c I truly had no idea what they were talking about. While this might be ok to occur occasionally, all too often we get caught up in our own lives and hear the world around us but never stop to listen what that world is saying. Have you ever wondered why some people aren't open to sharing with others? Maybe they realized that those they thought were listening were instead only nodding their head along at the words but taking no time to process what was being said.

Tim and I watched the movie, "Precious" last nite and wow, what a powerful story. In short, Precious decided to just stop talking b/c those that should have been listening to her did nothing more than throw hurt, pain and insults at her and told her that she had nothing to offer the world. It took time and a lot of unnecessary pain for her to learn to trust that there were people that would listen to her story and love her despite her baggage. What a powerful testament to the strength of our actions. Because of a few people that took time to listen to Precious, she was able to see (and believe) that she was more than what the world around her was telling her.

How often to we take the time to listen to others? When we ask someone "How are you", do we really want to know how they are or are we asking as a conversation filler? What would happen if someone broke down and really answered the question... would we listen or just hear the words and pray that they would end soon b/c we have something else on our plate? How often do you hold back the truth of "how you are" because you realize that the "asker" isn't really interested?

What stories are we missing... what stories do you have to tell? If only we would just learn to listen...

Silas has recently decided that baby food really isn't his "thing" anymore and has thus resisted many futile attempts at making him think he is missing out on the tasty stuff. I guess once you turn 10 months, you are smarter than you seem. See... I think it all began about the middle of February... if you remember back to that video I posted, you know, the ice cream cake one. The one where he did a little dance and said, "num num" or squealed for me and of course, like all good parents, we obliged. Yes, I now know we created a monster, but honestly, who can blame him?

Silas' refusal reminded of Psalm 34:8which states, “Taste and See the Lord is Good”. Once you experience goodness, you aren't going to want to go back to the dull and lifeless (or tasteless in Silas' case) world that you left. David (the writer of Psalms) invites us to experience God, to trust and depend on him for all of our needs. He realizes that God won't just give us a taste and keep us away from the good stuff (like I guess I was/ am trying to do with Silas) but will instead give us a taste and then keep giving us even more until we are so full we overflow.

Are we willing to be that open, to jump into God's arms and not look back? Have we really tasted and saw how good He really is or do we keep our feet in the mud while our arms reach out to his? Taste and see that He is good for blessed is the man whom takes refuge in Him. He will take care of you, if only you will trust in Him.

For further study on Psalm 34:8 see this amazing breakdown... Raw Christianity

I finally went to the Eye Dr. yesterday... waayy past when I was due for an appointment. I knew I needed to go and figured my prescription had worsened (it had) but I decided that I was seeing "ok" enough to get by so I never made scheduling a priority. Finally, down to my very last contact (and even having to use the wrong prescription in one eye) I made an appointment.

Procrastinating is seemingly a big part of my life... I hold off on things until the very last minute and then scramble to rectify the situation before everything falls apart. In another, could have been seriously harmful example... we took our van into the dealership last year for a tune-up and they gave us a list of things that would need repaired in the near future. Being that we both work at lower income jobs, we usually don't have much extra money so we stretch things out as long as we possibly can. We drove all summer, went on vacation, youth trips, normal trips all over town, weekend trips, etc... and never followed up with that list more than the few inexpensive things we took care of right away. I guess we went by the "if you don't see that it is broke, don't fix it" mentality. In the last few months we could sort of feel a little grinding on our brakes and then a few weeks ago they started to screech... enough that we decided we should probably follow up on the "to do" list and get the brakes looked at. Little did we know that "little" trip to Midas would mean we would be told we were essentially traveling with little to no brakes and a slew of other issues. If only we had taken care of things last year, we might not have been out an entire paycheck of money and been putting our family at risk every time we went out for a drive.

Unfortunately, procrastination isn't just in the material things in my life but also flows through into my faith walk. I can pray more tomorrow, study the Word next week, give a little more tithe when I have more money... I put off so many things that I can, and should be, taking care of today. I always think that I will have tomorrow and therefore all0w myself to continually walk blind to the things I put off until "I have time."

God has so much more in store for me than I can even imagine and He is just waiting for me to set aside all of that stuff, take out the blurred lenses and allow him to guide my life. Instead, I have allowed myself to continue looking at life through an old prescription when by taking a small step, I could be seeing things in the beautiful light God created them in. How much of life have I allowed to pass by because I was too lazy to get up and do something and instead settled for the status quo?

As I put in my fresh new contacts tomorrow, I pray that it will be a reminder of the vivid picture God has laid out for my life. I pray that seeing clearly for the first time in "who knows how long" will inspire me to no longer put off the important things but instead take that step that enables me to embrace this wonderful thing we call life.

In the last few years I have attempted to rejuvenate my desire to run. Back when I was in high school, I was an avid runner, competing in both indoor and outdoor track up until my senior year. As I have aged, I have realized it isn't as easy to stay in shape (I can no longer eat just anything and expect the scale to not respond) so I thought running would be a perfect answer to my attempt at being a more healthy individual.
I jumped in headfirst and entered a few races (and dropped out of a few races) and thought this was the answer to my woes. Although I have taken breaks here and there (laziness and pregnancy) I have continued to plod on and this year reach my ultimate goal of 300+ miles in a year (which is a stretch for me seeing the most I have ran in a year since high school is around 70 miles).
As I worked on that goal this evening at the Y, I started thinking how although many of us may not be good "physical" runners, we are often good at "running" from things. We strive so hard to control our lives that whenever trials come, we turn and run. What are we running from... where are we running to? We run as if to forget but yet can we ever truly outrun our problems or our past? The bad thing about running is that we will all run out of steam. Unfortunately it seems that just when we are at our most worn down, the competitor gets their second wind and takes over us with nary a passing thought. It is then we need someone to pick us up, turn us around and help lead us to the finish line that we blindly passed by as we sprinted around the track another unnecessary time.
Who are you allowing to lead your run? One walks with us and is there to catch us when we stumble, the other waits until we stumble and then tramples us in the dust. One gives us strength and the other takes it away. Which one would you rather have as your coach?

There is a great song by a band called, "Forty Days" called, "I Run" I love the lyrics "But when my faith begins to fail me, and I can't find my way I run, I fall into the arms of my Father, into a Love like no other I walk, I crawl; it doesn't matter how I get here only that I can be here at all" We don't have to have designer shoes, be the pace setter, perfect form, or even a steady gait. He guides us when we can't see and allows us to curl up in his arms just as we are. Run to Him tonite instead of searching for the non-existent finish line. Allow him to take your weariness away and just take time to rest in His arms again.

"I Run 40 Days"
I've never had a day like this,
when things become so clear & I can feel you here

I've never had to pray like this;
it's all that I can do to see me through the fear

But when my faith begins to fail me,
and I can't find my way

I run, I fall into the arms of my Father,
into a Love like no other

I walk, I crawl; it doesn't matter how I get here only that I can be here at all

All that seems to cloud my mind,
is how can be I strong, and how do I move on

But I know You will never fail me,
You will be my way

Isn't being loved one of the best feelings in the world? I would venture to guess that there isn't one person who truly doesn't desire the feeling of being loved. Love provides so much (comfort, stability, trust, friendship, hope, peace...) and yet is so simple. We are born with the ability to love at it's most simplest form and are open and ready to receive it from the moment of our first breath. Young children seem to give freely of it, taking no account of a person's faults, but loving them for them. Children reach with open hands and lay their hearts on the line with little expectation of gaining something back in return.

Unfortunately, love has been cheapened throughout time and "love" has been likened to pain, hurt, despair... all of the things that love was never intentioned to be. It has become easy to flippently say "I love you" to someone, even when there are no true emotions or meaning behind the words. I can remember back to a time when a "boy" friend told me he loved me and I got seriously angry with him. Why? Because for some strange reason, I knew those words weren't meant as a symbol of our relationship but instead being used to gain something for selfish gain. Our "love" didn't last much longer after I questioned the authenticity and looking back, I am thankful for having the guts to stand up for what I believed "love" to truly mean.

For those that practice the Christian faith, (and I preface because I know I have readers that do not) Jesus is our ultimate example of love. He selfishly gave his life in order to save ours... I can't imagine that many of us would be willing to take love to that extreme. He loves (loved) each of us as we are (all dirty, broken, weary...) and never asked anything more than we accept his sacrifice and in turn share that love with others. I wish that I could have a giving, unselfish love like this... that I could look past the dirt and grime and truly begin to see others for the beautiful creation Jesus view when he looked down from the cross. I am not worthy of a love like His but I am forever thankful that he felt that I was.

*wanted to share these great song lyrics by JJ Heller*
He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please
Could you send someone here who will love me?”

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She’s the woman whose husband has run away
She’ll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would’ve stayed
And she says…

Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means

He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone
He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home”

Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said
“I know you’ve murdered and I know you’ve lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I...”

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew

Tim, the kids and I went out to take this picture this past Saturday and I honestly believe it is one of my favorite "non-portrait" pictures I have ever taken. Maybe it is b/c of the vibrant color, maybe it is b/c of it being on railroad tracks (which reminds me of my FIL) or maybe it is b/c it was taken for a promo for our youth church service that I am leading and I think it speaks volumes towards the topic... but no matter what the reasoning behind it, I absolutely love it.

So this picture is entitled, "Journey" and as I mentioned above, it was going to be for a youth church service coming up in September. We actually went with another picture from that day, but no matter, this one still speaks to what my topic is going to be for the day. See, the theme of journey rings strong to me when i think about the Christian faith. So many people get caught up in the "I was saved today so now my life will automatically change and I have done what I need to do to get into heaven" mindset. To me, that isn't what I see the Scriptures saying. To me, they talk of our walk of faith being a journey... one that will have hills and valleys, one with straight paths and one where we come to a Y, but a journey none-the-less. Faith isn't just saying that you accept Christ, but moreso that after that point you continue to seek after Him and continue searching to know Him deeper. I really don't think that we can ever fully know and understand Him, but that is one of the things that make my faith so personal. My journey isn't the same as Tim's, or Micah's or Addie's or yours. It is my personal journey that has been laid out from the moment He created me. I am excited to see what the journey holds and trust that even when I am in the valley, that He will be there to coach me on to continue walking this walk of faith with Him.

Philippians 3:12-14

12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.